Open Door

The night of April 16th I ran into a college friend looking for a new place with her roommate in Williamson County. She asked for prayers and I replied, "Well, if you find a place with an extra bedroom I'd consider living with both of you. I've been praying for new roommates!"

Only a month later on Saturday May 17th, I saw I had a missed call from my friend and calling her back I learned they'd found a place and it did have an extra bedroom! They were looking at it Monday and I was welcome to join and see the place.

Monday I arrived at a beautiful house in Brentwood with a large yard, a patio, a fire pit, and a lovely garden. I hadn't even gone inside and I was loving this place. The landlord was friendly and agreed to be more flexible about our move in dates. All the logistics were perfect, the price, the space-- so we all decided to start the process.  I felt peace in moving forward and we all gave our landlords notice and applied for our new place together.

As I dreamt about garden space and what I wanted to plant and do with the outside spaces and thought up ideas of gatherings we'd be able to have in our large family room and living areas, I felt this quiet whisper the last week of May. I heard it deep in my spirit whispering, 

"It's going to fall through." 

Knowing how excited I was for a new place, for roommates and how much I loved this house in Brentwood, it wasn't that statement that shocked me as much as what my instant reaction was at this news.

"God, does this mean I can move back to Portland?" I was so excited! Not even slightly disappointed in losing the house. Where did that thought come from? How long had I wanted to move back that badly?

Wait, I thought. I needed to slow down. This hadn't happened yet and as far as I knew I'd still be moving to Brentwood in mid June. So I thought again about my garden, my roommates, but for some reason I couldn't get quite as excited about it anymore.

Monday June 2nd, I looked at my phone to see a message from one of my soon-to-be roommates,

"I need to call you at lunch or after work... let me know which is better. we got some disappointing news abt the house."

With God's little warning that this was coming, my heart leapt for joy. I was giddy and knew I was moving to Portland. It didn't make sense when it was supposed to be bad news, but I was too happy and my stomach was too full of butterflies for me to notice what logic would say.

After officially hearing that the place had fallen through, I wanted to pray about it and think it over. It's quite the decision to leave a place you've lived for four years and although I felt peace about moving forward, I felt I needed to share it with leaders in my life who could tell me I was crazy if I needed to hear that.  Instead of hearing that I had any ounce of insanity, I kept hearing encouragement to trust the Lord with His leading, to trust that He would provide the things that hadn't fallen together yet.

So here I am today, with three days before I leave Nashville, Tennessee to begin my return road trip to Portland, Oregon. I have no official job yet, but I don't have any fears that God will not provide exactly what I need when I need it and that I will find an occupation once I'm there. 

I'm excited as I begin the adventure towards many unknowns with a road trip with my two friends, Bethany Cannon and Deborah Kady. We'll travel through many states (of emotions as well as states in our country) as we celebrate my move, my birthday and the seasons our lives are all in.  I'm blessed to have friends that were eager to join the trip so I have company alongside me. I anticipate great things along the road, memorable moments and funny tales to share. As I have the internet available to update, I will try to keep you apprised of my new adventure :)

Lost and Found

It is fascinating to me how one moment to the next everything can change.  A word, a step, a move, a story told, a book read, so many actions creating reactions. What if a simple thought changes everything?

I found an old blog today, forgotten it lies in the rubble of unused webspace, while I journey forward on another blog that stays here mostly neglected.  The old blog reminds me of dreams forgotten, fears followed and obeyed and the distance I have gained in freedom from those fears in the years since giving up that blog.

I wrote something in the blog about fears that continue to prevent me most days from writing or sharing. Not sure exactly where these fears root from, but it's difficult for me to sometimes be open with others, to trust them and let them in to hear my thoughts. A fear of their judgement on my opinions. A fear of their response to who I am. A fear of my own response to who I am.

This was part of my first post:

"I love writing, usually I don't like to have people read what I write though... You remember in school when your teacher had you sit and write the rough draft to that paper in class? Well I loved the writing part, but hated whenever the teacher began to walk around the room. I didn't want them to see my unfinished masterpiece before it was finished! So now I'm writing a blog for all to read about everything-- my life as it was, my life as it is and my life as it is going to be :) Let's see what interesting things happen!"


I was trying to open up, to give myself a voice that could be heard.  Most likely, no one heard it.  I am pretty sure this blog was up and then I chickened out and changed the privacy settings so only the author could read it mere minutes after I published it. 


It is sometimes very difficult for me, painful even, like getting a splinter out of the tip of your finger, sharing myself is pulling the splinter that rests deep in my heart.  Despite the pain and fear, I still attempt to open up and when I do the rewards far outweigh the risks and rejections of failed attempts.

Seasons change, trees flower, leaves change color, fall to leave room for snow.

Last week, I met a woman on a plane. I thought it would be inconsequential, we'd sit, read, sleep and enjoy our individual American lives free to be independent and never touch each others lives. Any solitary hopes were about to be crushed by the beauty of being open to reaching out, to listening to a story untold, to hearing the cries of another heart, to knowing the challenges, the pain, the heartache, the joys, the triumphs, the journey we all walk through day to day that we can share.

As she sat down, I would have never guessed we would have anything to talk about or that we had anything in common.  I was sorely wrong. This woman was beautiful, her seeking eyes, her hunger for truth, her love for others.  My prayer for her is that she will find the true source of the fruit she hungers for. The fruit that never withers or dies, that she will find a well of living water in her search.  It is so close to her, but so much is all around this well of hope she can't seem to find it. So many false fruits that carry poison that bring sickness and death.

Her words, her cares, her life, her worries, her hopes, her desires, her prayers... all touched my heart. I felt more blessed by her presence in her searching than I feel I could ever bless her.  I know He was there, it was His presence I felt, invading our conversation, deeply desiring to declare Himself despite her trifles with giving Him any name.  No matter what destiny she was shirking because of her busy schedule full of unfulfilling work, He was there wanting to bless her anyway.  His desires for her were to be where she has joy, peace... yet there she was living a life of worry and busy schedules forsaking the two gifts she once knew. But for a moment, there with me, I could see her joy, her peace. Two gifts returning as she expressed her experiences in the heavenly realms through music.

In allowing me to speak some into her life and opening up my heart for her, I feel I rediscovered something I had lost. I had forgotten what brings me joy. I had forgotten what brings me peace. Sometimes this journey gets so difficult to walk, so tiring, so lonely, so painful... I forget. I know the Peacemaker. I know the Giver of Joy. He has blessed me with my own experience of Him. He has given me things I find great joy in, here on this earth. He has given me places to draw near to Him through my own music, my own voice. I felt challenged by this women to realize that with the little faith I have, if I truly embrace it -  I can conquer mountains. I can even conquer that splinter in my heart. I can open up. I can let the wounds heal. I can share myself with a stranger. I can even share my deep thoughts and opinions with a trusted friend. I can learn to trust again.

If I truly have faith in a good God and a savior, what need do I have with worry? What need do I have to stay trapped in a season of mourning? Why shy away from the world, from myself, afraid to step out, to have dreams and to have a voice?

It all begins to snowball. With my faith as big as a mustard seed...
Everything becomes possible.

Thanksgiving

This year has brought me an abundance to be thankful for and yet I think I rarely stop to be thankful and say thank you and show gratitude for everything I have been given that hasn't always been deserved.  So here is the day and the moment to stop, rest and share everything that I am grateful for.

I am thankful for...


Last year, I was blessed by a roommate for a season.  I met Barbara in a class at church and she was looking for a place to stay while I was going through a very lonely season and we were able to share a place during the holidays. God used both of us to answer each others prayers. She blessed me more than words can describe, with her gifts, her service, her company and her grace for me when I wasn't always having the best of days.

In December when moping about how I wouldn't be able to go home for the holidays, I decided to stop sitting back and complaining and instead take action with what I could control and I invited my sister, Anna, to come visit me in Nashville. She was such a blessing!  God used the time to heal our relationship and bond us closer together. She had a blast being in Nashville and we loved our quality time together amidst the busyness of my life at the time.

I was blessed this year by many new friends and fun events full of laughter and joy.  I was blind to it however and I have realized how little I have shared appreciation for each of my friends and their support for me this year as I have walked through new challenges and found their support and hope and laughter medicine for the difficult times I faced.

In late March, I was invited to join a community group at church and sharing meals on Thursdays with that group of friends has blessed me more than I would have imagined initially. We have had fun together and cried together and they have helped me when I was sick. It was such a blessing to find a family in such an unexpected way this year. The immediate love and acceptance I felt especially the first week we met at the Morgan's house brought me such an immense feeling of joy. I felt I belonged and like I had stepped into a place filled with the embrace of a family. I could probably write a book about how each person in the group has positively influenced my life and created safe places for me to process through so much this year.

This last month, I was able to go to Florida for the first time with my friend, Deborah.  We camped at the keys, had a crazy fun road trip and explored the Everglades.  I was so thankful for the rest and time away-- it is amazing how much we forget to explore in our everyday lives and experience the joy that discovery brings. I am determined that this new year will be one of discovery, rest and joy!

What I am most thankful for this year is something I barely have words for or know if I can write it:

God's infinite grace and how it washes over things in our pasts and shines light to restore the beauty of broken things.

Just this week, I have experienced God moving in my heart in ways I hadn't thought would be possible and I feel like I am more than just a conqueror, but with Christ in me I could take on the world and be victorious, full of His life, His love and His grace. God loves restoration of relationships and healing the places of our hearts that are full of so much pain.

This year has been difficult allowing God to work pain out of my heart so more of Him could be present, but today I declare that all the painfulness of letting pain leave was worth having a place for more of Him to fill.  For pain is heavy and full of sadness and difficulty, but His burden is easy and His load is light! How bright that light is and how it penetrates the depths of our hearts to bring healing and life!

Snow

Awaken to the white morning
Palest of grounds stand before me
Pondering upon who I am to be

Wandering out in the chill
Scoop into my hands sparkling dust
I realize in whom I must trust

In falling down I stand
Relishing the briskness of cold
Wondering what makes men bold

A warm kind hand reaches out
Taking it I know where I am
Boldly trusting in God the I AM

The light of His hope is constant.

My Grandpa Hug went to meet God face to face in glory Saturday morning after 92 years of serving God here.

He has prayed for me by name each night along with my many other cousins, aunts, and uncles.

One thanksgiving my Hug grandparents were over and we went around the table sharing what we were thankful for. As the tradition at our house often goes, we started with the youngest child and went around by age. We had heard everyone share their "I am thankful for.." and then it was Grandpa's turn. The table grew silent. Then he looked around at all of us and said how thankful he was that each of his descendants were following Jesus and loved the Lord. As he spoke he began to weep out of his deep gratitude to God for blessing him.

When visiting the small town where my grandparents lived I have always been known as Bernal and Virginia's granddaughter wherever I go. His life brought honor to his family through his humility and his love for his community.

I wish I could tell him today how inspiring his life was to me as a child and even now as I walk with the Lord. I don't need to though. Papa God is whispering beautiful words to him right now as I write this. Right now as I weep, my Papa is revealing the eternal inheritance my Grandpa has in heaven and showing him each and every treasure that was hidden above during his life on earth. I imagine it could take an eternity, but they have all the time they need.

We Three Kings

My sister, Anna, is staying with me for the holidays and God has been blessing us with amazing revelation of freedom, grace and intimacy with Him... And He has just filled us up with such joy-- we can't help, but laugh much of the time. One thing that has been making us laugh-- the three kings. Anna has been crafting and made these beautiful kings.

She insisted they need cloaks still. I agree, they are going to freeze without some sort of cloak to keep them warm on their journey to Jesus. So we wrote these new lyrics to an old song:

We three kings of Orient are;
Needing cloaks, it's cold where we are,
Field and fountain, colder mountain,
Traveling oh so far.

Oh, star of wonder, star so bright,
Star that leads us through cold nights,
Westward leading, still it's freezing,
Guide us in this snow so white.

We three Kings have come all this way;
Without cloaks, what more can we say?
Frost and blizzard, froze our gizzards
May it be warm today.

Oh star of wonder, star of hope,
Lead us to some nice warm cloaks,
In our wandering, so much pondering,
Might we meet some noble folk.

We three kings in Bethlehem town;
Met the king, spare cloaks all around,
Warm with laughter, still we're after,
Where this bright star shines down.

Oh star of wonder, star of joy,
We bring with us gifts not toys,
In a manger, not a stranger,
Lord we love your perfect boy.

Merry Christmas :D

The Blessing of a Guest :D

One of my favorite things about living in my new apartment is inviting friends over :) I love guests! They are such blessings-- My guests have faithfully brought with them joy and love blessing this cozy home :D Bethany and Hannah came from Searcy, Arkansas to visit last weekend for the beginning of Hannah's spring break. Laura and Izzy have also enjoyed the little Hug Apartment -- Izzy especially loves the toys I keep in a basket in the living room :) It was such a blessing that a box I expected to go into my parents attic was sent here just in time and there were several dolls, stuffed animals and toys to share when Izzy visited :D

I look forward to having many more visitors over throughout this year :D I've decided to keep a guest book for guests to write blessings in when they come over... I just need to remember to ask people to write something :D

Transition and Training

So many new and exciting things in my life...

I bought a guitar and I'm learning to play :D Currently I'm getting my callouses on my fingers built up so I can actually push down the strings properly and play the easier chords. I'm super excited about getting better and getting to play actual songs :)

I signed a lease for a new apartment and I'll be moving in less than a month into my own apartment! I'm super excited because I'll get to make all the decisions about decor and most exciting probably will be to have my very own kitchen!! The big lesson I think with living by myself will be giving myself immense grace for things and not getting into perfectionist tendencies and losing out on spending time with people.

I have a new nephew!!! I still haven't been able to hold him, but I have seen pictures and he has cooed over the phone to me :) He's super cute like the rest :D

I've been learning a lot about seasons and with all that is new in my life I think I'm in a season of sowing. I'm investing in new things that aren't producing much yet but hope for something later.. Such as learning guitar-- All I'm producing are sore fingers and simple chords right now, but later if I continue to invest I'll be able to play songs and overcome other hurdles to learning guitar!

With Eyes that See

I am thankful now for all I see-- for friends and for family. Where do I belong? Wherever I am. How will I be strong? The Great I am.

This thanksgiving was a huge blessing to be with my eldest brother, his wife and his mother-in-law. I helped cook the turkey, mashed potatoes, green beens and we had a marvelous feast. I felt reminded over and over of the abundance of God's provisions for me. I will never want for anything because God provides for me. The only time I will ever feel lack is when I seek provision from the wrong source. Such as happiness from a wallet or joyfulness from having a friend. Instead when my joy and happiness rest on the Father-- He never disappoints or fails me. Not that life is easy because it isn't. Life hurts sometimes and it is hard, but I learn so much from the hard days and from the pains of life. I realize what I am truly made for isn't all this.

The holidays are always rough when away from family. I remember getting physically sick when I was little when my parents left me at friends for the night. I'd always end up with an earache and fever or something... Now my heart just gets sick.

My strength and hope must be in more than relationships, friends and even family. It must be in the Lord and my hope will be on solid ground.

I am thankful that I have faith that God is mighty enough that even my lack and my failures cannot ruin the destiny and purpose He has for me. :D

Thankfulness

Memphis

Fall Creek Falls

Niki and Rich's Wedding

Minneapolis

Mall of America

Music and Molasses Festival

Ellington Agriculture Center

Seasons come and go, but life always has its challenges :) I am so thankful for that.. especially after last weeks emanate message by Chip Judd. He spoke on being passionate for life and not settling into a slump of habit and coasting. I love the idea of how God challenges us and helps us to continue to grow throughout our lives no matter how old we are. I feel like I shouldn't struggle with coasting yet as I am still in a great part of life where there is a lot that is new and exciting... but I often find I still need to give myself a new challenge or step into a new situation or try something new. One of my current goals is to work on self discipline. I often want to be with friends or go out of the house to events, but I still need to keep things at home in order and do first things first :) Another goal is to be more positive about life and about where I am and about the struggles that come with that...

I'm excited about what is to come... The summer is long gone and autumn is ending... What will winter bring?

Fly Away

Somedays I repeat one of the last things I remember my grandma saying to me "I just want to fly". I sometimes think I wish for it too... Then I realize I'm not ready for that just yet- at least not in the way she meant it. I have to live out my dreams, chase after the wind to find the sunlight and discover there are too many mysteries in life to ever have all the answers.

This week I was blessed to be able to visit my sister, Cecelia. She shared with me the secret of 750words.com... but to be honest, I still prefer my paper journal-- but now I feel challenged to put something on there each night to earn the badges. What is it with the secret of the amazing amount of motivation we all get from gold stars?

Last night, I went through Celia's house with her... and I discovered several treasures I get to bring home with me :) Yippee! She is so generous, plus she is moving so it's a win win kind of situation anyways. She was able to pack up some of her things to be used at my house so she doesn't have to haul it all in her cross country move in a few months.

Currently her cat, Ninja Kitty, is curling up beside me and purring... Haha. Such a funny cat, I guess she's decided she likes me despite the fact we both ignored each other all yesterday. I'm secretly glad (I guess not such a big secret ;) ) that I only have an avocado plant at home.. and no animals. Pets are expensive! At least for me right now..

I wonder sometimes at how it came to be that I am where I am today. I have been blessed to go many places and I still run off in the chances I get for some sort of exploration. If only I'd been born before so I could be one in the number of those who travelled across the seas from England to give life a try on American soil.. or in the times of the Oregon trail and walked those dusty paths and bumpy roads all the way to the beautiful Northwest. I wasn't born in those times though... I was born in 1987. This is a different kind of world to discover. Amongst the pavement, pruned paths and manicured meadows sometimes it is hard to feel as if there is anything left to discover.

Today, I'm going to go discover the old cemetery at the entrance of Celia's apartments. It has a crazy lure about it.. it looks as if no one ever even thinks about it.. I wonder what I will find?

Dreams

I just finished reading a book titled The Dream Giver. My honest opinion was that although it had a dash of salt and truth in it-- it was definitely over simplified. However, the message was clearly one that God intended for me to hear. After emanate, a young adult worship night, I was talking to a new friend and right before I left to go home he started spouting off the exact words and key points of the book. He spoke truth of dreaming big and defeating giants in order to succeed. It was all very inspirational.

The only trouble of the whole thing is somehow in the midst of growing up and everything somehow I feel like I'm dreamless. I look back and I see a dreamless girl as well... I remember being encouraged by teachers to write out goals- Which I loved because I loved lists, but I also kind of despised because boxing my dreams into phrases on a list and limiting myself seemed so dreary. Goals and dreams are great. Amazing even. Really limiting yourself can be a major blessing to your direction in life, but for some reason.... I'm still dreamless. Not that I don't have dreams and goals, but as someone once told me "if your dream isn't worth your life, dream bigger." Well, perhaps I'm in a stage of dreaming bigger. I don't know, but nothing really seems worth my life. I feel caught in Ecclesiastes, "everything is meaningless under the sun".

I know my life has purpose however and that I am in a stage of growing and refinement so that I can dream and pursue those dreams, but I feel caught in a desert perhaps where those dreams cannot yet exist until I learn the qualities and character that they will one day require.

Love

What is love? Is it lust? Desire? Something that makes you happy? A feeling? A fancy?

No. It is so much more. Love is pain. It is hard. It is work. Difficult. Self sacrifice.

If I could choose to make life easy somedays I think I'd have to choose not to love. Love isn't easy. It isn't always pretty. All too often it hurts me without the other person even caring at all.

Even though choosing to not love is easy... Loving is worth it. Love brings a beauty to life. A freshness and variety. The difficult self sacrificial love takes a normal day and makes it extraordinary. Love changes you. Changes your motives and creates a focus that doesn't begin and end with you. Love is different than what it seems at first. Deeper, humbler, life giving.

There are so many "false" loves easily obsessed over and made into Love. But those don't stand the test. Instead of being patient... floves are ready for what is next and in a rush. Love slows down even when the world is rushing by. Floves are unkind. They pretend to be a friend and then give them pain or grief; they steal or kill. Love hugs a sick friend even when love will end up in a sick bed as a result. Envy is floves' best friend, greed is its motivation. Flove always wants more, unsatisfied with what it can get today. Love sees that others have more, but also that some have less and focuses on what we can do to give to the poor. Floves brag about all a flove can do. All the feelings it brings about... the strength it has, the power, the control. Love can be silent and just listen even to floves. Floves are proud. Love is another story.

Tonight, I'd like to make the decision to always choose Love. My life isn't worth any more floves.

(I'm so thankful for the friends who have given me images of Love in action recently. Julia Amend and Betsy Dell are two such friends.. although there are many others. )

Purposeful Living

You can live each day only once. Even easier you can sleep, eat, work through each and every day. Harder to do something with your day and discover the world around you. Even harder to purposefully do something special each day. To learn something new each day, discover something new or explore a new place-- even to just read a new book. When I was little I had no trouble spending my days exploring and discovering, reading and solving mysteries. Everything was a mystery and the world seemed much more daunting and spectacularly big and mysterious. Now the world still has its mysteries, but it is easy to fall into the pace of living like everyone else. Letting the mysterious pass me by with a simple gesture of I'll do that later or an excuse that there are many more opportunities to explore that will come my way. I have decided my life isn't worth excuses or living each day just to sleep, eat and work. I'm going to do something with my days to make my life different-- to actually live it. To learn, grow and discover.

Today, I will show glimpses of what I have done this year so far.... and hopefully I will be able to become more consistent in actually taking on something new. Or doing something fun.

Goodbye to the Desk...

Goodbye to my room... Goodbye to my beautiful apartment... Hello to two more great roommates :D Bethany and I are happy to be welcoming two new roommates to our apartment and be switching to a three bedroom apartment to accommodate the change! Julia and Deborah will now be living with us and I am excited for what the change will bring- how I will be challenged and how I will grow through the little sacrifices I'll have to make now that I'll be sharing my spaces once again :) I'm really excited about that though! I know I won't have my room to myself anymore and get to hide my messiness in my bedroom, but that will teach me to be more organized and neater with how I keep things. I think it will be a wonderful growing experience and I have always loved sharing my room before... I used to always choose to share a room with Anna whenever I visited the Northwest :)

So because the space will be limited in the new apartment and room I'll be sharing with Bethany-- I decided that my free project should be thrown out. I realized after having it for this week that the smell was not dissipating as I had hoped and all the "treatments" I had given the desk of cleaning to rid the odor had only helped my room smell a bit better... so I'm moving on without the desk and I'm gonna focus my energy on other things such as working and cleaning and packing!

Bethany and Julia both helped me disassemble my desk and carry down the drawers to start the demolition job. Getting the desk into the dumpster was a little more difficult task since it had to be tilted through the small opening on the side of the dumpster. Julia helped by climbing to the top of the dumpster to open the lid so we could angle the desk just right to drop it in :)

Free Desk

This weekend I was perusing around on craigslist and found a desk in the free items! I decided to give it a go and try to salvage this desk that looked really beat up. Once I picked it up off the curb and took it into my room I soon began to realize a peculiar odor coming from the desk. I decided some cleaning was in order so I began by wiping down the entire desk with rags and vinegar water. That accomplished getting most of the grime off. Next, Julia went to the store to grab a few more cleaning items so our cleaning frenzy could get some more intense cleaning done. Now, this free desk has gone through clorox wipes, febreeze, baking soda, pledge and several other regimens to restore the desk to a proper smell. Now with all the chemical canvasing I'm pretty sure I still smell something odd. I figure this was a free desk so if all else fails it can be chopped up and thrown into the dumpster-- which at the mention of this Bethany started getting excited and making party plans for all our friends to gather to destroy this antique. I am however up to putting some more work into the desk if anyone has any ideas to help clean the desk.

I'm happy to be back in Nashville and I'm ready for spring! You can see in the top photo of my desk my avocado seed that has rooted and is starting to sprout :)

I really enjoyed my trip to the Northwest seeing family and enjoying many fun activities :) This is a picture taken at the Oregon Zoo with my fellow Tennessean sister :D I love that we both live in this beautiful state-- and hopefully I'll be able to make a road trip to go visit her soon!

New Year

Happy New Years! It is 2011.. and there are so many things to look back and remember from the last year and so much to look forward to, yet I feel so happy to just relish in the moment of now. My roommate, Bethany, and I have found ourselves without internet at home so we took a short trip to Panera to use their wifi and share a free chocolate pastry with her rewards card. Yummy :)

Memories to relish from this last year must include my Grandma Hodges, a lovely woman who gave her life to help others and contribute up until she was forced to stop. Now she can run and fly in heaven with God like she wished when I last saw her. I miss her, but I feel as if the realization hasn't quite set in yet that when I go in a week to visit the Northwest I won't be able to visit her or hug her like before.

Another dear memory from last year would include living in Togo, West Africa. So many memories from teaching kindergarten and french and walking around Kara to go to the market or the missionaries homes.

Life is so different from what I expected. I suppose I expected life to be different after college, harder in ways it isn't hard and easier in ways it isn't easy. The challenges I have met have made me stronger and more prepared for the next steps on this journey and I look forward to what the new year will bring.

So many dreams and wishes... and this time offers a great chance to write out my desires and goals for this year.

A few photos from my time so far in Nashville... there is a great lack since I have no camera of my own, but I plan on finding time to capture the leaves before they are all gone :)

Mom and Dad came through Nashville right before Bethany and I moved into our apartment together. We all went to Belle Meade plantation together, walked through the yards and had a tour through the main house-- educational and fun! Of course Bethany and I took photos with the random cut out boards set up :D

One of my favorite things about living here so far is.... Les trois filles, Bethany, Jacque and I, are reunited and every thursday morning we have breakfast together :) Lately, we've been skyping with the missionaries in Togo after we eat! So incredible that we are blessed with the ability to skype them from here!

Well, that is all I have time to share for now... I have to get back to my studying!

First Day of School!

Backpack on, new pencils sitting neatly in the small pocket next to my calculator, and a big textbook and binder neatly arranged in my bag, while I drive to a school I have never before laid eyes on in my life (not counting google maps images- thanks google, you helped me not get lost).

Entering the campus, I realized the big responsibility of what I have just done. After graduating, completing all the college courses I thought I'd ever take, I signed up for a class.. not just any class, but one that will take me on a journey to a big test-- err, an enormous exam (hehe yay alliteration!)-- which will determine whether or not I can pursue a career that would utilize my mathematics background. I am excited, nervous, and a bit intimidated by this decision, but ready for the challenge. The career? Actuary. The test? Exam P/1. Yeah. What's that? Well, an actuary is someone who works for companies, often insurance companies, and calculates risk. That's the short of it. Why am I going through all of this just to do something that "sounds boring" (as I've heard it said from those I've told)? Well, I don't think it's boring at all... I actually am looking forward to taking the math I have learned and finding new ways to apply it and expanding upon all the building blocks to contribute to society. I also am very interested in finding new ways to use skills as an actuary in unorthodox contexts (we'll see what I discover).

What if I fail? If I fail, I know that through that God will be teaching me more about myself, humbling me and shaping me through the entire experience. Until the test though, I shall not think of that, but instead work through all of the materials I have at hand to study and attempt to succeed :) So far, I have attended my first class and I am in the midst of reviewing through the 5 sections of the text that I need to have done for next Tuesday...

Life in Nashville

I have been in Nashville for a week this Friday (which excludes the weekend I visited Cecelia). I have had so much to think about and grow through especially in these first days here. First of all, most of my time is spent searching... for jobs, apartments, friends, churches...

The exciting news is when I find things :) Including myself whenever I get lost in the city! Haha! Thanks to Paul I have a GPS that helps that not to happen (or when it does I hear a friendly voice saying "recalculating"). Bethany and I found an apartment quickly and we will be moving in on the 11th of September! Which I am very excited about-- however, I still need to find a job. So I have been diligently working at that and praying that God places me in the right place so I can grow through the experience and be able to contribute well to my job and coworkers. Finding friends hasn't been too difficult when I allow myself to have a break :) Although I still haven't seen all my friends who live in Nashville, I know I will get to see them soon enough and I will make a few new ones as well-- Which is an exciting and fun part of meeting new people :) A very important part of adjusting to life here will be finding a church family to connect with. So many decisions and "growing experiences" surround me here, but I am happy with all of them because they force me to learn and grow.